My last post online was dated back on 9th August 2022, it wasn't even a post on training or strongman related. In fact most of my post have been scarce and at times it may be even random. I have also been on radio silence on social media due to some personal health issues that I have been managing.
Somewhere in middle of the year, I was having lunch with a few of friends. One thing that caught her attention that my jawline was off, my right side being somewhat inflammed or swollen. I brushed it off as temporomandibular joint (TMJ) as I do grind my teeth when I sleep. I have also been known to wake up with my jaws feeling rather tight. I also saw my chiropractor for my regular adjustment, the feedback I got was that there is a lump on my jaw and it's not supposed to be there. If two people says this, there must be some truth in this.
I went to the hospital to get a scan and a second opinion. What followed was a slew of medical appointments with various doctors, ENT specialists, HNT specialist, various tests from fine needle aspiration which left my face swollen and bruised and CT scan which was rather unpleasant when they injected the 'dye' into my veins. After all the investigation was all done. I received a call from the hospital to inform me that my appointment has been rescheduled to an earlier date as it was rather urgent.
Meeting with HNT Consultant
My meeting with the Head Neck & Throat doctor was a rather unpleasasnt one. It was shared with me that I have a growth the size of a golf ball my my right jaw. Doctor suspected that it may be growing and a 60-80% chance of it being malignant (cancerous).
I was then briefed on the whole surgical procedure, what the general anaesthetist will be doing. The various test that I need to go through prior to the surgery. This included multiple blood tests, a sleep study, urine tests and more medical appointments.
Due to my size and not having a 'normal' BMI. It also meant that I have to put in more work to prepare my body for surgery. In my mind at this point when the doctor told me the news. I was somewhat in a state of shock and at the same time daze. I was advised by the doctors that I needed to digest this information and will talk more after more test are done to confirm.
Looks like I'm not competing anymore
At that point of time, my whole life just came crushing down. I had already scheduled for my competitions in
September - Highland Games Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.
October - McGregor Stonelifting Games, Scotland
November -Stones of Strength, Australia
I asked the doctor if it was possible for me to compete after the surgery. I think it doesn't take a genius to figure this one out. Doctor advised me that it was safe for me to travel to all these destinations but being competitive in a heavy lifting sport would be bordering on madness.
Doctor also shared with me that if I wasn't healed properly, the stitches might split during the lifts and it would be a better idea to recover properly and heal. Inside I was devastated because I have been preparing myself for this competitions since March 2022 and this was a HUGE speed bump.
You they say common sense may not be so common. This time it was common, reluctantly. I cancelled my flights , hotel bookings and all travel plans. I was actually really raging inside because I have been getting a routine for my training, taking care of my nutrition, ensuring that I get enough sleep and my recovery in check. But... there will always be another competition. Just not in 2022. I just needed to get my head straight and focus on the 'battle' at hand first.
Prepping for Surgery
Going through surgery is probably one of the most unpleasant experience ever. It is a known fact that after a major surgery you will not be physically able to do many things because your body goes through trauma of being cut open. I've already gone through 2 major surgeries and it took me months to get back to where I am. Which means that I would not be able to train or lift anything heavy for at least six to eight weeks. This included following a set routine for training which focused more on hips, back and legs. In the meantime I still went to work on a daily basis to keep my mind distracted from the impending "doom".
Prehabilitation
The concept of 'prehabilitation' is based on the principle that patients with higher functional capability will better tolerate a surgical intervention, and studies have shown that patients with higher fitness have reduced postoperative complications and demonstrate better functional, psychosocial, and surgery-related outcomes. One month before surgery, I was very mindful to ensure that I prepare my body for the surgery. I made sure that I put in at least 10 to 15 minutes four times a week doing cardio. I hate doing cardio but I needed to do what I needed to do to ensure that post-surgery would be more managable.
Surgery Day
24.08.2022 at 8.00am was the schedule time and date for my surgery. 12 hours mandatory fast was needed and to me it was not a problem at all. Emotionally I was just overwhelmed with complications and worst case scenarios. Its a job hazard, I tend to always tend to think of worst case scenarios. I was tended to the pre-operation nurses and doctors, as they explained to me what they were doing from taking blood and everything else in between. I was then wheeled into the operation theater, doctors then did the usual briefings. I was asked what song I would like to be played before they put me on general anaesthesia. I requested for "Scotland the Brave", which is my song everytime before the whistle blows at at any competition. A masked was then placed onto my face.... and I was out. I woke up hours later with the nurse sharing with me "Mr Taufiq, you did very well for your surgery. Everything went well and its now 4.00pm. We are going to transfer you to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for observation and care.
Night in Intensive Care Unit
It was difficult to move, every movement even to the extent of drinking a cup of water needed help. While the nurses transfered me to the bed in ICU. I was just a inactive passenger in the whole process. I was drowsy and semi-concious obviously very drugged up from the anaethesia. Apparently drinking water immediately after a surgery wasn't advisable as the nurses mentioned that I may vomit. I think I was pretty adamant on having water. Then again... I have been fasting since 8pm the previous night with zero food and water. Eventually I got a few glasses of water and some food (Hospital food is still terrible by the way).
What the doctors failed to mentioned that after every surgery. You will be in pain... In this case a lot of pain. There was no part of my body that did not hurt. My back was in pain and i felt shooting pain on both my erectors, my arms were not able to move freely, legs were in an air compression massage to promote blood circulation, my shoulders felt numb and my neck felt numb. So part of the surgery was that I would have a scar from the front of my ear, behind my ear and all the way to my throat with a drain tube.
I was then instructed to rest by the nurses. So apparently when you are in ICU you are constantly monitored from the blood pressure, heart rate and constantly drugged. It was impossible to get any sleep. When the machines were constantly buzzing every hour to measure everything in between. I do have to give credit to the nurses for taking care of me for God knows, how difficult or stubborn I could be in addition of being severely drugged. I didn't get much sleep at all.
The night in ICU was a reminder how vulnerable and weak one can be. I was reminded of a conversation with my colleague that you will be the lowest point of your life and be vulnerable. How true this statement was. This was probably the lowest point of my life. It was an emotional roller coaster. While in ICU, my mind raged over the missed opportunities, wandered all over to the worst case scenarios and contemplated on my life and decisions that I made or regretted. All I did that night was stare at the clock and just counting the hours to daylight. I did not get any sleep.
Upon daylight at about 8.00am when the ICU doctors were doing thier rounds. Doctor shared with me in those words. "Mr Taufiq, you will be discharged today by 12.00pm, we are discharging you because you have shown tremendous progress and you are able to walk on your own. Not many people who gone through an eight hour surgery is strong enough to walk the day after and let alone be discharged".
Well then, that sounds like good news to me, being strong has it's benefits and prehabilitation that I invested in worked to my benefit. In most cases, patients in the ICU would be moved to the hospital wards for step down care and for the hospital to observe the next few days. But apparently I'm not that patient. So at about 2.00pm the next day after surgery and one night in ICU I went home to recover.
Recovery Back at Home
I would like to state that home is the best place to recover. My bed is more comfortable, My pillows are more comfortable and food definitely taste better. But what really happened was this. My sleep was intermittent during the day & night because of the pain. Even at night I was only able to sleep intermittently, waking up every hour due to pain and discomfort. This happened for a good two weeks. I managed the pain with drugs and multiple hot and cold showers. Yes even at odd hours of the night to manage the pain. Dressing and cleaning the wound was on a daily basis and at most times twice a day to ensure that the wound remains clean and it heals well.
What also followed next was an incredible amount of bruising and swelling on my upper and lower back, side abdomen and specifically my erectors were inflammed and so stiff that even getting up from bed or even wearing my own shorts was a challenge and I needed help. Sitting down and lying down for prolonged periods of time would result in massive stiffness to my body and I had to walk it off around the house. Fortunately I didnt need any help for walking. Yes... I also had to walk around the house with a tube and vessel shoved up my neck to drain excess fluid from the operation.
A week later I was back at the hospital to remove the drain tube and vessel, then a week later to remove the stitches. Once the stitches were removed it felt like a burden taken away. I just had to be careful and ensure that I don't make any sudden movements or do anything stupid to rip the stitches. When I asked the doctors about the bruising on my back and abdomen. They were quite perplexed on this and did not have a definite answer, so which means that they referred me to the General Anaesthetis and an Orthopedic. Which meant, more time at the hospital.
However Doctor was still not able to give me the results for my biopsy of the lump they extracted from my jaw as they sent it to another hospital for more detailed investigation. My surgeon was clearly exasperated and she shrugged and went on "Usually, when this happens... it can go either...." Then she just stopped there and said "I shouldn't have said that, lets just focus on recovering and healing and remain positive". Like really doctor??? You throw some pretty dark clouds, stop and tell me to be positive?
Of course on the way back home my mind went into a really dark space just withdrawing from everyone and trying to digest all this information and terrible experience. I would rate it as probably "The worst decision that I have to make that is shoved down my throat and had my throat slit". Ok I may sound a tad bit grumpy or frustrated.
One Month Post Surgery
As I am writing this, it's exactly slightly over one month post surgery on 28.09.2022.
So here are the updates My neck and jaw is stiff and my movement is still very limited. I'm not confident of driving again because I am not able to turn or move my neck or head freely. However the wound has healed well just with a lot of scar tissue along the stitches.
My back is still stiff and inflammed. My mobility is pretty much shot. I'm unable to bend down to pick up something off the floor. My left shoulder and arm has the mobility of a useless person. I can't even hold a cup of water to my mouth with one hand.
My weight dropped incredibly because of the lack of appetite. It is also noticeable that #teamnoneck is not #teammaybegotabitofneck. I'm not sure how much weight I may have lost. I'm afraid to step on the weighing scale.
My physique and strength... Well... If I'm unable to pick up a glass of water with one hand, that pretty much say everything and strength, I think I may change my IG Name to Taufiq - Not so Strongman for now.
I have not lifted anything heavy or have any strenous activities other than 10 mins on the eliptical just to get my body moving and some circulation. I'm trying to ensure that common sense is common, ensure that I attend my physical rehab session with my physio and hopefully get the green light from the doctor to start lifting and training again.
My own mental health took quite a bit of a beating too. It went to some really dark places that I don't wish to go back. But rest assured that I am sorting that out too with seeking help and consultation from professionals.
Will update more when I get more information from the doctors on the next steps.
Learning and Takeaways Points
Surgery is a traumatic experience for anyone regardless how strong, weak, young, old or whatever physical condition you are in. However, I still don't recommend it. This is my third surgery.
It helps to be physically and mentally strong. Do engage in an active prehabilitation program before the surgery.
It helps to have someone really close to you to be around you and to care for you.
Accept that you need help. I had a breakdown when I couldn't even put on my own shorts. Because I've been so independent all the time and if you are close to me, I will never ask for help for anything at all. I've learnt to ask for help.
Accept that you will not be at your physical peak or even 50% for the next 12 months. That strength you built up and worked for is as good as zero. This will take time to get back to where you were.
While it is important to have a plan for physical recovery. You also need to have a plan to take care of your mental well-being.
With that... I would like everyone to know that I am recovering well and I'm in good spirits (just not the alcohol kind).
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